You will not often see me writing up reviews of video games for the simple fact that I am of that breed of casual gamers whose last video game related purchase was the second super smash brothers (brawl? royale? gangbang? mosh pit? the game cube one.) I generally just play video games when with other people in a social setting. So I leave such opinions to my far more qualified colleague.

But at Comic Con I was able to play video games that have not yet been released and as such I will offer up what thoughts I have based on the less than five minutes of game play I was afforded by the sweaty, throbbing mass of body parts that is San Diego once a year.

Dante’s Inferno

Okay, so this was the game that I had the most fun playing. I was a fan of the original Devil May Cry back in the day, and this game reminded me of DMC on acid. In the tiny part that I played, I used a giant scythe to cut down skeletons, then performed a combo on a dude riding a three-story minotaur so I could use the minotaur to rip the head off of the skeleton barge that I was using to fly through whatever God-forsaken part of hell that I was in (yeah, at no given point did I really understand why I was doing what I was doing, not that it mattered). The action was crisp and the attacks, thanks to the scythe, were new and interesting. It was easily accessible and, if I still bought video games, I would probably be waiting for this one to come out.

Dead Space: Extraction

I have never been a fan of rail shooters, whether it was Time Cops 2 at Chucky Cheese’s or this Wii bullshit they’re pulling out now. We have the technology, allow me to move on my own accord. The fact that there is a co-op for DS:E at least means that I could see myself having fun playing this with somebody else. But that’s the only context.

Uncharted 2: Amongst Thieves

Man, I don’t even know the last time I tried shooting something with a playstation controller that didn’t involve materia and at least one talking animal. While it had smooth gameplay when watching other people play, I was sort of spastic with the whole thing. Still, there seemed to be smooth transition from shooting to hand-to-hand combat when in close with the enemies, including from-behind spine breaks, always a crowd pleaser. Got to play this alongside a guy dressed like Francis from Left 4 Dead who couldn’t figure out until the round was over that he was on the same side as the other players and supposed to be shooting the NPCs.

Left 4 Dead: 2

Really, what else do you need to know about this besides the title? The only new hand weapon I got to play with was what looked like a cricket paddle (?) in a Louisiana swamp, and it had the same sort of awkwardness as when you’re carrying around fire-extinguisher or gas cannister in preperation for when you might need it. But the new guns were fun, and it was nice to have a completely fresh map where you have no clue where you need to go or what the fuck might jump at you when. And we were either playing very easy or else both the tank and the witch have been made much easier to kill.

And that is a summation of my VG experience. There will probably a recap of the webcomics people I hit up soon, and another two-man wolfpack review in honor of Mystery Team, which we also got to see at Comic-Con (Spoiler: It’s goddamn hilarious).

signing off//

can't make fun of this

can't make fun of a title this cool

I loved the original Dead Space. I bought all of the comics, preordered the game so I could get the art book, and beat the entire game in two days. It was my game of the year 2008 and was better than even Resident Evil 5 in my mind. Imagine my excitement to get some hands on time with the Wii prequel, Dead Space: Extraction.

That excitement didn’t last long however as Extraction quickly and repeatedly kicked me in the crotch. The demo starts off with you opening a door. On the other side of the door is a room covered in the Necromorph organic creep and five or six necromorphs quickly show up to kick my ass. The gun I had (not even sure what it was) only had five shots in it and did not reload fast enough. I quickly died twice. Demonstrating the game’s pop-in multiplayer, Fred jumped on to help me. We barely made it through the first fight to be quickly and handily dispatched in the next encounter. Then when we loaded up again we died in the first fight. =(

Extraction doesn’t seem like a bad game, someone just picked a bad place to start the demo. We had no time to familiarize ourselves with the controls and were immediately thrown to the wolves. The hungry undead space zombie wolves with spikes for hands. The game looks good and controls well from the ten minutes we had with it. I didn’t have too much trouble targeting limbs and ‘strategically dismembering’ them. I’m looking forward to playing through the entire game when it is released this fall.

You won't see this scene in Extraction

You won't see this scene in Extraction

So, based on the new trailer for Pandorum, it looks to be the movie version of Dead Space (which, in turn, was the name for a novel idea I had at the age of thirteen which was itself ripped off from Star Trek: Voyager). People are turning into uglies, kill the uglies, try and survive. And grow a beard like Dennis Quaid.

And the Star Wars tv show trundles on in the land of Oz, where they are apparently aiming for a more emotionally true story. Which means that George Lucas isn’t writing lines about how much everything sucks and how he only wants to be the best but nobody lets him do what he wants and wah wah wah.

I haven’t heard anything recently about the new new remake of Battlestar Galactica, though maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t really need to see the same twenty seconds of space fighter dog fighting used twenty times on the big screen, or anything else along the lines the original campy show. The original Knight Rider was written by the same guy, and we all saw how successfully that was resurrected while staying true to its origins. Although that Cylon Helix was death for any Colonial pilot that tried to take it on.

And the next project from Rian Johnson, the man who wrote and directed the brilliant Brick, will be called Looper and is about assassins from the future sent back in time to kill somebody. With someone this capable at the helm, I have full faith that an actually useful movie about time travel will be produced. And if Rian Johnson isn’t enough, know that my future self is telling me to give it two thumbs up now and save myself from the future strain.

That’s it. Signing off //